If Only He Could
by theultimatenerdgurl
Summary: York confesses to Carolina, and then leaves. Will she forgive him, and put aside duty for love?


**A.N.: This is one of the last RvB fics I wrote - a long time ago. It's a Yorkalina (they are so cute together why did their story have to be so goddamn sad...). Anyways! I have free time, so I'm going to be uploading my RvB fics that I like onto here now. By the way, I'm liking how season 11 has started - I wasn't sure they would be able to do much with the series at the end of Freelancer last season...**

**This is my take on the reason Carolina is pissed at York when he comes back to the base in one of the last episodes of season 10.**

* * *

He put his head into his gloved hands with a sigh. There was no denying it. He was hopelessly in love with her...and he knew she would never return the feelings. It was always duty first for her, friends later. But she never admitted to having friends, other than him. It was painfully obvious to the others, how infatuated he was with her. They all assumed he was either cowardly, or she was just a cold hearted, dense bitch. Agent New York might have been a badass when it came to fighting, but when it came to admitting that he loved someone? Forget that. The half-blind agent turned his gaze to the helmet on the bed next to him and chucked it at the wall in frustration. "Nothing is ever easy," he muttered quietly. Agent Texas had told him what was really going on in Project Freelancer, and had asked him if he would escape with her, and if they could come back for the others later. He hadn't given her a straight answer yet. He wanted to be with his love, his number one, but what Texas was saying was made more sense, was more logical - oh God, was he starting to think like Dee? He shook his head and stood, pacing his dull and grey room. How hard could it be, telling one of the angriest women here that he loved her?

On his fourth pass of his room, he halted. She would be training now, like she always was, hurting herself more... He could stop that. Determined now, he opened the door to his room and walked down the hall with a new air of confidence. He would tell her. Even if she punched him for his cheesy pick-up lines. "It's now or never," he whispered to himself in the empty hallway. Granted, it was three am, and the other agents were supposed to be asleep, but York couldn't bring himself to sleep. Not with the dilemma he had on his mind. He was so distracted by his thoughts and confidence that he hardly registered that he had arrived at the viewing area of the training floor. He blinked rapidly in surprise, and sure enough, she was down there, training. Minutes ticked by as he watched her do the same thing over and over and over, rarely pausing, her cyan and gold AIs barely visible just behind her. He rested a hand in the glass as he watched her. "Carolina," he whispered into the still silence.

She continued to train, progressively getting slower with each round that passed. "York." Delta's voice cut through the silence. "I advise you stop Agent Carolina before she passes out again." York ignored his AI and made his way down from the observation deck. He stood in front of the blast doors, trying to process his thoughts, but before he could, they opened. "Damn motion sensors," he muttered. Regardless, he slowly walked across the metal floor, his boots thumping loudly, no matter how silently he tried to walk. He stopped in front of her, waiting for her to notice him. However, she was in her own little world, completely absorbed in her training. "'Lina," he began, watching her with growing concern. Even though she was in armor, he noticed she was thinner than she normally was - she had become so absorbed in training she wasn't taking care of herself. "Carolina," he said a bit louder, stepping closer. Again, he was ignored. "Enough of this," he muttered. "F.I.L.I.S., stop all training sessions immediately."

"I'm sorry, that's against protocol," the AI stated in her annoyingly computerized voice. York ground his teeth, slightly angered. "I'm not taking no for an answer, F.I.L.I.S.," he stated, watching Carolina still, waiting for a reaction. There was a pause before F.I.L.I.S. spoke again. "Training sessions complete." York watched as Carolina paused mid-kick when her targets vanished. "F.I.L.I.S.! Resume training sessions, now!" Carolina's voice was laced with barely contained fury. York folded his arms across his chest. _'York, I advise you-'_York mentally muted Delta. "I'm sorry 'Lina, but that's against protocol," he said in his normal, joking manner. She whipped around in surprise. "You! What are you doing here?" She snapped at him, but her anger seemed to have lost its venom. In fact, she sounded...relieved? that he was here.

He spread his hands, walking closer. "I came to see how you were doing. You haven't been sleeping much lately. Why are you doing this to yourself?" She didn't respond, not at first. She turned her head away, before quietly murmuring, "You know why..."He sighed softly, a little frustrated with the way she was acting. "Look, Carolina, does it really matter that much to you that you're willing to kill yourself for it?" She turned back, ready to snap a retort, when his words sunk in, and she turned away again. "I don't know what matters anymore, York..." She sounded so lost, so helpless, that he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and tell her everything was going to be okay. "At least... Take a break for a while?" he saw her about to protest and he held up a hand to stop her. "Please... For me." She hesitated, and he knew she would refuse - it wasn't like her to not be training. He sighed softly in defeat and turned away. "York," she called after him, taking a step towards him, "wait." He half turned and saw her standing there, her helmet off. Her auburn hair was a mess, half of it wasn't even staying up in her normal pony tail, and her eyes were red with exhaustion. She met his eyes with a look of defiance. "Why do you care so much?" She asked, watching him closely.

_ 'Now or never,' _he reminded himself. He took a deep breath and looked straight in her eyes. "Because I love you," he said simply. Without waiting for her response, he turned and left her standing there, stunned. If only he had stayed, he would have seen her reaction.

Her hands flew to her mouth in shock, her helmet clattering to the floor, forgotten. She wanted to tell him to come back, wanted nothing more than to throw herself into his arms, and never let go. But she was a soldier, she wasn't supposed to show emotion, she wasn't supposed to fall in love. York's simple statement brought out everything she had been trying to hide. He should know it was against protocol for the freelancers to have relationships... Why was he telling her, now of all times? She fell to her knees on the training room floor, speechless, watching his armored form slowly disappearing down the darkened hallway. Hot, silent tears flowed down her face, her slim frame shaking slightly from the effort it took robot cry out. _'York, how can you do this to me? The walls I so carefully constructed, torn down by such a simple sentence... Why now, of all times?' _She wished he would come back, so she could just melt into his arms. "York," she whispered into the deafening silence. She stayed like that all night, head bent, tears silently flowing, and eventually stopping, not moving, not speaking.

York was stonily silent in the morning at breakfast - all freelancers that knew him took notice, but only North stopped to ask what was on his mind. "I told her last night," York said in a hoarse whisper. "She knows." With that, he stood and left the dining hall, walking aimlessly, no destination in mind. His unwarranted steps led him to the training floor, where Carolina still was, in the same position she had fallen in. Alarm rushed through him - she was still here?! Was she alright? He ran over to her, skidding to a stop in front of her and dropping to his knees. "'Lina?" He asked, concerned for her.  
She looked up at him, her eyes red and puffy, and fresh tear stains on her cheeks. "Y-York," she managed in a choked voice.

He opened his arms, reaching for her, and she fell into them, clinging to him tightly, sobbing quietly into his shoulder. He held her close pressing his face into her messed-up hair. After a long moment, he pulled away slightly and rested a gloved hand on her cheek, gently wiping away her tears. "It's okay," he whispered, "everything will be okay, 'Lina..."

"How can you say that?" She cried at him, looking distraught. "All of this... It goes against everything!"

She would have continued her worries, but he silenced her with a finger to her lips. He felt surer of himself, after having confessed to her. "I don't care about the rules anymore, 'Lina. I just want to be with you. We can leave here - forget everything, make our lives over again..." He gently took her hand in his. "Together."

Her face fell again. "York... I want to... But... I can't. I have to stay." She gently pulled her hand away. "Thank you, for everything... But I'm sorry." She turned away from him and finally stood, picking up her helmet and walking from the room. He stood to follow her. "Carolina, please... At least give me... Give us... A chance..." She paused again, not turning back, not wanting to lose control over the hastily constructed mask she wore. "I'm so sorry, York. But duty away comes first." She continued walking, struggling to keep the tears from flowing down her face again.

He bowed his head and clenched his fists in frustration. She didn't love him, not like he loved her. If she did, she would have made an exception. He walked back to his room, defeated, and locked himself in, lying on his bed staring blankly at the ceiling. He debated picking up smoking again - a habit he had abandoned for her, when they had first met, years ago, at a bar. But she still had his lighter, just to make sure he kept his promise. After a while, he rose, and went looking for Tex. He found her in her room, reading. "I'm coming with you," he said simply, his face devoid of emotion. She didn't look up at all. "We leave tonight," she said in a monotonous tone, and he promptly left, returning to his room to sulk... And prepare.

Carolina sat in her room, head in her hands. Her heart yearned to accept York - she wanted nothing more than to just hold him, to be with him, forever, but her mind rejected the possibility. She sat there in a silent battle between heart and mind before rising, hours later. The sun had already set, hours before, and it was nearing midnight. She had decided that no matter what protocol dictated, but she couldn't get York off her mind. She wanted him, plain and simple. The darkened hallways loomed with ominous shadows as she crept down them silently, heading for his room. Arriving, she tried the handle, and discovered it unlocked. Cautiously, she opened it - to her dismay, the room was empty, the bed nicely made up, and a note on his desk. It was addressed to her. _'Carolina,' _it read, _'if you are reading this, then I'm gone. I've left the Project for good, and I doubt she and I are coming back. Tex explained things to me... Things I don't fully understand yet, and neither will you. Let's just say I haven't left you for good. I'm coming back for you, some day, I promise. I don't know if you feel the same about me... But I just want to tell you again. No matter what happens, I love you. Guess this is goodbye for now. Stay safe, champ. York' _

She lowered the note, struggling to hold back her tears. So he had left her. And gone with her rival. She crushed the noted in her fist, anger overtaking her sorrow. She never wanted to see him again. He was good as dead to her. And if he ever came back, she would make sure he knew that.


End file.
